


In which Harry finds a use for rubber ducks he won't be telling Arthur

by Glade



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy Has Issues, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Nightmares, Rubber Ducks, real duck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 21:19:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12690423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glade/pseuds/Glade
Summary: Draco is confused as to why Harry has a rubber duck named Simon. Harry decides to escalate this (with some unprompted help from Dobby).Rating for one swearword.Also, my Dobby doesn't die.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5d8pVg3Qtg  
> Draco and Harry have issues (who wouldn't in eighth year???)

Harry woke up slowly, curled protectively around Draco. He relished the feeling of not being woken up with nightmares, still a novel experience after all the torturous events of what should have been their seventh year.

He idly petted Draco’s hair while he waited for him to wake up, and eventually Draco stirred, muttering something indistinct as he tried to burrow further into the bed.

“Kay I’mup,” Draco eventually said, after stretching- carefully, they were both still unused to sharing a bed with anyone.

“Mm,” Harry agreed, “early morning bath?”

“I like your thinking,” Draco agreed, getting out of bed to start the bath running. “Err, Harry?”

He didn’t sound worried, so Harry didn’t immediately jump out of bed and come running, but he did get up to go and see what Draco was confused about. He found Draco staring at the rubber duck sitting innocently on the side of the bath between the taps.

“Oh, you’ve met Simon then,” Harry said casually, making sure there were two towels within reaching distance of the tub.

“Simon?” Draco repeated dumbly. “You have a rubber duck and you’ve named it Simon?”

Harry stared at him, confused. “Yes?” Neither of them said anything for a while, too busy staring at each other. Draco broke the staring match first, as he carefully settled into the bath and gestured for Harry to climb in too.

* * *

Draco forgot about the rubber duck incident, still trying to catch up on classwork and dragging the Slytherin name out of the mud. But one day he entered Harry’s bathroom again and froze. Something wasn’t quite right. He eyed the room warily, wondering whether he was nervous enough to call for back-up, when he spotted the rubber ducks. There was more than one of them now, and they had been deliberately arranged. One of them- Draco suspected it was Simon, but they all looked identical so it was impossible to tell- was in front, clearly being chased by 9 other ducks. He let out a relieved chuckle and ignored them.

* * *

On Halloween Harry woke himself up with a nightmare about Quirrell and the troll. Rather than disturb Draco’s sleep, he got up and put the finishing touches on the duck Halloween scene he had created. Two of the ducks were covered in toilet paper with eye holes as stereotypical ghosts, and he pulled out the new Frankenstein duck which had arrived yesterday. A little ‘trick or treat’ bucket, complete with some birdseed completed the ensemble and Harry grinned, delighted with his work.

Draco entered the room just as Harry was grinning like an idiot at the ducks. He peered at them more closely. “The fuck?” he asked, then decided he didn’t want to know this early, and dragged Harry back to bed with him.

* * *

A week later Harry and Draco entered the bathroom together, after a series of gruelling nightmares about watching each other die in a variety of ever-increasingly gory methods. They stopped and stared at the ducks. They had been lined up for a wedding, a number of ducks lining the toilet paper aisle, and two ducks facing each other at the head with Frankenstein presiding over the ceremony. Harry looked enchanted by the scene, which set off alarm bells in Draco’s head.

“You didn’t so this?” he asked, concerned.

“No?” Harry replied, then noticed Draco’s alarm. “Hey, honey, what’s wrong?”

Draco opened his mouth, shut it again. He couldn’t verbalise what was wrong. “Who did?” was the closest he could get.

Harry shrugged. “Dobby I imagine. He looks after my room. Want me to check?” Draco nodded, trying to remain mostly calm.

“Dobby?” Harry called, and Draco jumped and clung to Harry’s hand more as the house elf popped in. “Did you do this?” He gestured at the wedding scene, and Dobby nodded his head, ears waving.

Draco breathed, slowly calming down. He coughed, then managed to speak before Dobby left. “Does anyone else come in here? Human, house elf, anything?”

Harry squeezed his hand, and Dobby shook his head. “The wards are only permitting Dobby and Harry Potter Sir and Harry Potter’s Draco in.” Draco sighed with relief, and Dobby popped out again, leaving the two of them alone again.

* * *

They both leave Hogwarts for the Christmas holiday. Harry booked a four bed flat in the countryside, and he, Draco, Ron and Hermione all lived there, trying to get used to living in the real world again. Harry and Hermione introduced Ron and Draco to muggle TV and takeaway and other muggle things. One day Harry received a large parcel, which he refused to tell the others about.

* * *

 

On their return to Hogwarts, Draco tried to get Harry to tell him what was in the parcel, but Harry distracted him until he forgot all about. Post-coital, Draco fell into a light doze (as was his wont), and Harry took the opportunity to sneak into the bathroom and lay all the new ducks out, making it look like they were climbing out of the drain, along the bottom of the (impressively large) bathtub and then up and over the side onto the floor of the bathroom.

Draco may have screamed (in a very manly and authoritative way, he later insisted to Harry) when he saw the state of the bathroom.

“Scared, Malfoy?” Harry called from the bedroom where he was trying to read the potions text before their lesson.

Harry looked innocently up at Draco as he stormed back into the bedroom. “I have had enough of the ducks, Potter!”

Harry tried to keep a straight face, and probably failed. “What rubber ducks, Draco?”

“The ones in the bathroom! What other rubber ducks are there?”

“Ooh, those rubber ducks,” Harry replied, sounding as though he’d only just remembered them. “What about them?”

“They have to go,” Draco growled, “I have had enough of having to move the damn things before I can shower.”

Harry pouted. “Fine,” he sighed, “no more little rubber ducks. Now why is wolfsbane sliced widthways for the invisibility potion? The book doesn’t say.”

Draco squinted at Harry, suspecting something, but accepted the diversion.

* * *

Draco had nearly forgotten about the rubber duck escapades when, one day shortly before the Easter holiday, he entered Harry’s room to find his transfiguration text. He had turned to leave before registering what he had seen out the corner of his eye, and whirled to face the intruder, wand drawn before he realised he was only looking at a rubber duck. A large rubber duck. He sat down, hard, as the sudden rush of adrenaline wore off and he giggled slightly hysterically. A few minutes of breathing exercises later, he was steady enough to stand and poke the duck with his wand.

Hit with a sudden thought, he cautiously stuck his head into the bathroom. Three large rubber ducks were swimming happily in the bathtub, and one was sitting on the toilet. Draco shook his head in bemused resignation and left, determined to find Harry and put a stop to the ducks once and for all.

* * *

“Harry,” Draco began when he had finally tracked Harry down to the library, “the rubber ducks have to stop.”

Harry pouted. “But they’re such fun!” he replied, trying to keep his voice down out of respect for Madam Pince.

“Draco raised his eyebrows and stared at him. “They. Stop. Now.” He stared at Harry until he dropped his eyes.

“Fine,” Harry replied, “but can I keep one? Just one duck?”

Draco thought about that carefully, trying to find a loophole. “Fine,” he replied, “just one.”

Harry’s grin lit up his face, and Draco felt himself grinning back, even as annoyed as he was.

* * *

Draco kept glancing around Harry’s bathroom whenever he was in it, wondering where the rubber duck was. He knew Harry wouldn’t make it jump out of anywhere at him, but not knowing where it was wasn’t that much better. He had nearly made up his mind to give in and _ask_ , but one night he got in and heard splashing in the bathroom. His wand was instantly in his hand, pointed at the bathroom door. 

“Who’s in here?” he hissed quietly at Harry, who was lounging on the bed. They both logically knew that it wasn’t an enemy behind the door, but old habits die hard. 

“Simon,” Harry said innocently, looking very smug.

“The rubber duck?” Draco checked, still pointing his wand at the bathroom door. “Don’t think that would make the splashing, but nice try. Do I need to check you for potions?”

“Noooo,” Harry drawled, finally getting on the bed to open the bathroom door. “You said I could have a duck, so I got a duck. He’s called Simon.”

Draco was torn between keeping his eyes on the threat beyond the bathroom door, and staring at Harry in confusion. He kept staring at the door, and when Harry opened it, he glanced around the room, his eyes eventually settling on the full bathtub and very much alive, real duck happily splashing about in it. He groaned.

“Potter, you know nothing about raising birds. What on earth possessed you to adopt a real duck???”


	2. Velentine's day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umm, so someone in the comments asked about a date for Valentine's day. So I came up with this. Only read after promising not to yell or hate on me. Or actually, do that because I think it'll be funny. And then let me know whether you're on team Draco or team Harry ;) It's either tragic or hilarious depending on how you read it.

It took Draco 5 days of pleading, ordering and cajoling Harry to finally accept that keeping Simon wasn’t a sensible option, and agree to give him to Hagrid to look after for the rest of the year, until they graduated. Still, the resulting sulk was epic, and Draco eventually resorted to telling the whole rubber duck saga to Ron and Hermione to break Harry out of his funk. They both (predictably) found the whole tale hilarious, and somehow found a female duck somewhere to keep Simon company.

The pair of them became a common sight running about the Hogwarts grounds, quacking angrily at people and splashing about in the shallows of the Black Lake.

All too soon for Harry, the exam season was upon them all, which signified the end of his time at Hogwarts. He was too busy revising and stressing about his exams to really think about the future, until Professor McGonagall (Headmistress) cornered Harry and Draco after their last exam.

“Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy,” she began, and the pair of them stopped, waving Ron and Hermione on towards the Great Hall. “I was wondering whether you had given any thought to what you will do when you leave here?”

Harry glanced at Draco, a little guiltily. Now that the exams were over, he felt rather remis in not having thought about it. “Not really, Professor,” Harry replied, while next to him Draco shook his head.

“Wonderful,” McGonagall replied happily, much to their confusion, “I was wondering whether the two of you would like to come back in September as members of staff? As you probably know now, given the inability of anyone in this school to keep a secret, our defence professor is leaving again, and I suspect Harry, that you may be just the right person to break the curse on that position. And of course Professor Slughorn is most eager to retire again, and he recommended you personally, Mr Malfoy.”

Harry felt himself break into a massive grin, and suspected that Draco next to him was similarly struggling to contain bis emotions, given how hard he was gripping Harry’s hand. “We’d be delighted, Professor McGonagall,” Harry replied for both of them, squeezing Draco’s hand in reply.

Professor McGonagall smiled. “In that case, I suggest you start calling me Minerva. Staff members rarely go around calling each other professor, it would lead to too much confusion!” She swept away, leaving Harry and Draco in the corridor feeling slightly overwhelmed.

“Well,” said Draco after they’d calmed down a bit, “I guess we should tell Hagrid that he’ll be keeping the ducks after all.”

The summer was spent in a haze of reading and selecting textbooks, constructing lesson plans and trying to convince Elizabeth that she should sit on the eggs she was laying and hopefully hatch them into baby ducklings. Apparently ducks have very little interest in brooding, and Elizabeth would happily lay an egg and immediately abandon it to run around with Simon.

* * *

It took Harry and Draco several months to get into the swing of teaching, but one day in December Harry ran into Draco’s (luckily empty) classroom, shouting about needing to plan a romantic date for Simon and Elizabeth for Valentine’s day.

Draco stared at him in confusion. “But that’s months away!” he pointed out when he found his words again.

“Exactly! It has to be special. C’mon Draco, work with me on this. You made me abandon him, it’s the least you could do!”

Draco shook his head at his boyfriend’s antics, but started grinning despite himself. “Fine. But not right now, I have to make sure I have all the antidotes right for my seventh years. We’ll plan at the weekend, ok?”

Harry beamed at him like Christmas had come early, and skipped out the classroom.

* * *

For the next two months, Harry obsessively planned the date, from what the ducks would eat (expensive and allegedly very tasty birdseed), to the entertainment (Dobby was delighted to be asked to play the violin), and whether a late night swim would be a good idea (yes, as long as they kept an eye out for the giant squid).

* * *

Eventually, the special night arrived. The ground was still covered in snow, but Harry and Draco happily melted a patch for the ducks to more happily sit and eat the birdseed, which Harry judged as a success, and listen to the violin, which was definitely not a success. Eventually, the two ducks were happily splashing about in the Black Lake, which hadn’t frozen over, but was probably still very cold.

Harry pulled Draco onto his lap, the better to kiss him. “Thank you for putting up with me so much, and agreeing to this,” he said shyly.

Draco rolled his eyes. “Potter, I’d put up with a lot more of this for you. You’re amazing and utterly gorgeous when you get enthusiastic about something. Just no more rubber ducks!”

Harry grinned, and ducked his head shyly. “Well..” he began, and Draco sighed.

“What?”

Harry pulled out a rubber duck from his pocket. He stared at it for a second, before twisting the head off and presenting it to Draco. “Will you marry me?”

Draco stared at him, eyes very wide. Before he could answer, there came a sudden splashing from the lake and Harry threw Draco off him, pulling his wand out and running to investigate. Simon was sitting at the middle of a ring of waves, looking rather shocked. There wasn’t any hint of Elizabeth and while Harry stared, a few desultory feathers floated to the surface of the lake.

Draco joined him a second later, also staring at the lake. He was shaking and it took Harry a few seconds to realise he was trying not to laugh.

“Elizabeth,” Harry whispered, “oh Simon!” He sounded so distraught that Draco pulled him into a hug, wrapping protectively around him.

Draco coughed a few times before trying to speak, hoping that the laughter wouldn’t be too obvious in his voice. “Would agreeing to marry you make you feel any better?”


End file.
